Thank you, Gorgeous Man With the Actor Voice Who I Wanted to Dislike But Couldn’t, for being classy and for commenting on the nature of my testicles.

Cloutier hit a nearly miracle flop for a gut shot straight draw and
then, when he was almost dead, he got the gut shot straight on the
river. Zoine looks like he wants to vomit, wet himself, cry, have a
heart attack followed by a stroke, all at the same time. He has
suffered a motherfucker of a bad beat, and at the worst time.

Wandering Skanks of Las Vegas, I apologize.

It's a miracle; my book is now available at Barnes & Noble.com. That blew my mind because for months I had looked and looked to see if my book was going to be available there before I finally gave up. I checked today, though, and there my book was. What are you waiting for, permission? Buy a dozen; they make great gifts.

There’s a lot of dead money at the tables now, players who watch a little poker on TV and think that they’ve got hold 'em figured out. Generally, these players lose and lose and lose. Then they break for dinner and come back later, when the losing and losing and losing resumes. I love these people because, even if I don’t get a taste of their money, they leave it behind and it’s out there to get. Amen.

Tattooed Applebee’s Server Guy With Probably Too Much Gel in His Hair, wherever you are, spread your wings and fly.

Today I decided that, since we were all in the game (of poker and of life) together, I was going to call everybody “bro.” Here's an actual sentence that I uttered : “Can I get some ketchup, bro?” To the guy who gave me my order at McDonald’s, where I ate twice a day.

Las Vegas for five days. Forty-one hours of poker. Free food. Freeway driving at two in the morning. Watching Cloutier play in the $5,000 buy-in no-limit at the World Series of Poker and win it all. What did he win? $600,000. The whole experience was great, and the homies and I are going back in about three weeks.

I knew that I couldn't go through with driving to Los Angeles and having to deal with the traffic and the smog and the wastelandy vibe that it gives off, or at least that it gives off to me. Bad vibes, man, bad vibes.

I made some pretty funny jokes, but most of them were pretty off-color, and I felt cheap and dirty (but not in a good way) afterward. I seem to recall something about my being willing to poke an old lady in the eye for a pair of aces.