Okay, I finished a poem last week, the first one in forever. I’d post it here, but it still needs to go through the vetting process, like the background check on a potential Supreme Court candidate before a nomination so that the government can find out about all of his truly astonishing and semi-hilarious proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the poem’s pretty hot, probably the best poem in the English language since “Song of Myself,” only not really, not even close. Honestly, it’s probably as lame as most of the stuff that I've ever written.

Like I said, though, I’m not gonna post it here, at least not in its entirety. I thought that it’d be pretty cool if I just posted the last word of each line. I’m mediocre at most aspects of writing poetry, but I’m decent at line endings, or so I've convinced myself. Here it is:


Mystery Poem

2001

gives
contrast
light
beauty

peninsula
May
you
leave
America

sweater
looking
moves
lift
startled
breathlessness.

edge
tree
me
if
well
angle
true
lost

done
profile
laugh
line
capture


Okay, now that you’ve gotten through that, and I’m sorry if it was a waste of your time, you can enter my new contest. Check it out: if you can tell me what the poem’s about, I’ll send you a signed copy of my book.

I know that that middle stanza sounds kind of dirty, what with "sweater," "lifts," and "breathlessness," but, trust me, it's completely innocent. You probably just have a sick mind, and there's plenty of other stuff on the internet to satisfy your twisted needs, pervert.

Click on “Contact Us” and send me an-e-mail with your best guess. At the end of September, the person who comes up with the best answer gets the book. I’ll even write whatever you want me to write above my signature, as long as it doesn’t land me in jail.

Good luck, America.