I Am Full of Wonderful Advice

I'm a poet, so people think that I'm sensitive and caring and "wise." The fact is that, except for crying inconsolably during commercials for life insurance, I'm as insensitive as a Republican at a homeless shelter. And I'm about as wise as a Republican at a...a place where it would be highly doubtful that a Republican would show himself to be wise. Sorry...I didn't really "come with it" on that one.

The point: people know that I'm a poet, and they come to me for advice. Eventually, I'm sure that you, confused, sad, guidance-seeking reader, might want some advice of your very own. Here it is:

I don't know, that sounds like an awfully big tattoo.

Taupe. I'd go with taupe. You can never go wrong with taupe.

Sounds like a jerk. I'd dump him.

So what if he's a jerk? At least you have someone.

Chill out, dude, there's no way they'll press charges.

Are you sure that that's even pierceable?