Those Penguins Are Badass
22 December 2005
What’s the Deal with Families?: We’re playing early this week because Christmas is around the corner and we all know how people are: “What do you mean you’re going to play poker on the eve of Christmas Eve? What kind of person would do that? Did I marry a monster?” and so forth. You know the drill. Also, some of us are just better people than others and they wanted to save the start of the holiday weekend for family-type activities. I don't understand those people.
The early date means that I don’t have that much time to get over the major symptoms of my nasty Friday illness (this is how nasty it was: I stretched out for a nap on Saturday…and woke up twenty-one hours later), what I’m going to assume is the flu, but, thankfully, I’m mostly recovered at this point, except for a hacking cough, and by “hacking,” I mean “feels like my lungs are trying to escape through my chest" and/or "leaves me dizzy afterward” hacking.
Medium Hands: This is the second-to-last game of the year, and I've been trying to get to a grand in winnings before January comes around, but I’ve been really inconsistent since November: up one week, down the next, no real rhythm or logic to my game. Part of my inconsistency has to do with the fact that the regulars in our game are really strong poker players with agile minds and highly developed skills. There’s no soft money at the table, so every dollar that I make is a dollar for which I had to fight really hard, and against a dude who will try to get it right back, along with every single chip that I have in front of me.
At such a tough table, one of the real keys to playing profitable poker is how well you play moderately good hands. Anybody can play 2-7 off-suit: you muck it and wait for the next hand. Easy. And anybody can play a flopped flush, or higher. You’re nearly unbeatable and you let the others do most of the work for you, only to come out blasting after the river.
Those medium hands, though, are the ones that you have to play in such a way as to extract maximum value from them. This means reading your hand, what’s on the board, the checks and bets and raises and re-raises and calls of your opponents, their tells, and recalling past hands and how they were played. Mostly, you just look at your opponents and try to figure out what the hell it is that they are holding and how much of your money, if any, to push into the pot.
You can make much money if you play these hands well, and you can also go broke if you overbet your hand. That’s what I've been doing: blowing money on hands that weren’t good enough at the showdown.
The Boat-Off, or Oscar, Why Do You Have To Be So Cold to Me, Brother? I Thought That We Were Cool: Some hands, again, are easy to play. A full house is easy. You can just slow-play and call with it and try to get paid at the end. You can bet it conservatively and try to fake that you are on a draw so that you can come over the top with a re-raise. Or you can just bet the hell out of it and hope that the other players in the hand think that you're over-betting a weak hand or are on a bluff or are perhaps tilting from an earlier beat.
Many options, but all of them make you money. So, when I ended up with a boat toward the middle of the night, I thought that I was going to be making some serious money. After the river, I bet it up, only to be re-raised by Oscar. I had a boat, so I came over the top, thinking that Oscar would come off of his hand or make a bad call. Instead, he re-raises, and now I’m starting to worry. My hand isn’t the nut hand (the best possible hand); the only thing that beats my boat is a higher boat, which Oscar turns over when I call his re-raise. There was a lot of money in the pot, and I had to watch Oscar rake it in.
Bad break, that, but it wasn’t like I had made a bad play. There's no way to fold a boat, and especially when there’s not that much room above you. I didn’t feel bad at all; in fact, I’d play the same hand pretty much the same way…which I got to demonstrate two more times when Oscar and I again went head-to-head in big-money boat-offs, both of which I lost. These three battles weren’t cheap, and I if had won only one of the three, I would have finished with at least $40 than I did.
Calories Internationale: Most of the time, I’m in charge of the poker snacks and refreshments when the game’s at my big bro’s. You know, the usual stuff: chips, candy, soda, a mountain of crack, cookies. For tonight, though, I got a little fancy. I had been at Costco earlier in the evening, and I had picked up a tray of Costco sushi for, like, eleven bucks. It’s not great, but it’s good enough, and I’m convinced that it’s health food. How convinced? Last year, I ate Costco sushi for dinner almost five days a week for about seven months; I’d pick up two trays on Sunday and they would last until Friday. It was only later that I read about all of the mercury in fish, so now I’ve got that to worry about. All I know is that if I die of cancer from the fucking Costco sushi, I’m going to be really pissed.
Maybe the poker crew had sensed that I had gone above and beyond with the sushi, because I wasn’t the only one to bring some tasty to the game. Ivan, poker player deluxe and programmer/designer of this here website, bought over some pizza that his brother had scored at work. Finally, Jesse arrived late, but with some homemade tamales, and they were incredible, so his lateness was excused. So, we had three countries (Mexico, Italy, and Japan) and continents (North America, Europe, and Asia) represented. I felt very worldly. Also, there were Doritos.
March of the Penguins: Have you seen this movie? Where I live, I can’t really get to a theater, so I live on DVDs, which means that I’m way behind the curve on movies. Finally, I got a copy of this movie, watched it, and I couldn’t believe how moving it was. Seriously, this mother choked me up a couple of times.
I can barely stand it when I have to put on a sweater, but those penguins are out there, exposed, in frightfully brutal weather, and they’re just getting on with it. Damn, those penguins are hardcore, and when I started telling my homies about how the movie had made me tear up a few times, Jesse said that it probably wasn’t a good idea to share with these heavy hitters how much of a wuss I am. I mean, it’s already bad enough that they know that I’m a poet (as un-tough a gig as you can find), but sharing this information would ruin any chance that I’d ever have at looking like a badass. That was when I said, “You know what, who cares about those penguins? Whatever, dude,” but, inside, I was dying a little from having to say that in order to up my rep.
Maybe, Baby: There’s a chance. Not a great one, but, with some decent cards, I could get to the grand. I had been hoping to make about $106 at two consecutive games, but I fell short, winning $91.50. I’m still $122.25 away from four figures, but it’s not completely out of the question. There’s hope.
What’s the Deal with Families?: We’re playing early this week because Christmas is around the corner and we all know how people are: “What do you mean you’re going to play poker on the eve of Christmas Eve? What kind of person would do that? Did I marry a monster?” and so forth. You know the drill. Also, some of us are just better people than others and they wanted to save the start of the holiday weekend for family-type activities. I don't understand those people.
The early date means that I don’t have that much time to get over the major symptoms of my nasty Friday illness (this is how nasty it was: I stretched out for a nap on Saturday…and woke up twenty-one hours later), what I’m going to assume is the flu, but, thankfully, I’m mostly recovered at this point, except for a hacking cough, and by “hacking,” I mean “feels like my lungs are trying to escape through my chest" and/or "leaves me dizzy afterward” hacking.
Medium Hands: This is the second-to-last game of the year, and I've been trying to get to a grand in winnings before January comes around, but I’ve been really inconsistent since November: up one week, down the next, no real rhythm or logic to my game. Part of my inconsistency has to do with the fact that the regulars in our game are really strong poker players with agile minds and highly developed skills. There’s no soft money at the table, so every dollar that I make is a dollar for which I had to fight really hard, and against a dude who will try to get it right back, along with every single chip that I have in front of me.
At such a tough table, one of the real keys to playing profitable poker is how well you play moderately good hands. Anybody can play 2-7 off-suit: you muck it and wait for the next hand. Easy. And anybody can play a flopped flush, or higher. You’re nearly unbeatable and you let the others do most of the work for you, only to come out blasting after the river.
Those medium hands, though, are the ones that you have to play in such a way as to extract maximum value from them. This means reading your hand, what’s on the board, the checks and bets and raises and re-raises and calls of your opponents, their tells, and recalling past hands and how they were played. Mostly, you just look at your opponents and try to figure out what the hell it is that they are holding and how much of your money, if any, to push into the pot.
You can make much money if you play these hands well, and you can also go broke if you overbet your hand. That’s what I've been doing: blowing money on hands that weren’t good enough at the showdown.
The Boat-Off, or Oscar, Why Do You Have To Be So Cold to Me, Brother? I Thought That We Were Cool: Some hands, again, are easy to play. A full house is easy. You can just slow-play and call with it and try to get paid at the end. You can bet it conservatively and try to fake that you are on a draw so that you can come over the top with a re-raise. Or you can just bet the hell out of it and hope that the other players in the hand think that you're over-betting a weak hand or are on a bluff or are perhaps tilting from an earlier beat.
Many options, but all of them make you money. So, when I ended up with a boat toward the middle of the night, I thought that I was going to be making some serious money. After the river, I bet it up, only to be re-raised by Oscar. I had a boat, so I came over the top, thinking that Oscar would come off of his hand or make a bad call. Instead, he re-raises, and now I’m starting to worry. My hand isn’t the nut hand (the best possible hand); the only thing that beats my boat is a higher boat, which Oscar turns over when I call his re-raise. There was a lot of money in the pot, and I had to watch Oscar rake it in.
Bad break, that, but it wasn’t like I had made a bad play. There's no way to fold a boat, and especially when there’s not that much room above you. I didn’t feel bad at all; in fact, I’d play the same hand pretty much the same way…which I got to demonstrate two more times when Oscar and I again went head-to-head in big-money boat-offs, both of which I lost. These three battles weren’t cheap, and I if had won only one of the three, I would have finished with at least $40 than I did.
Calories Internationale: Most of the time, I’m in charge of the poker snacks and refreshments when the game’s at my big bro’s. You know, the usual stuff: chips, candy, soda, a mountain of crack, cookies. For tonight, though, I got a little fancy. I had been at Costco earlier in the evening, and I had picked up a tray of Costco sushi for, like, eleven bucks. It’s not great, but it’s good enough, and I’m convinced that it’s health food. How convinced? Last year, I ate Costco sushi for dinner almost five days a week for about seven months; I’d pick up two trays on Sunday and they would last until Friday. It was only later that I read about all of the mercury in fish, so now I’ve got that to worry about. All I know is that if I die of cancer from the fucking Costco sushi, I’m going to be really pissed.
Maybe the poker crew had sensed that I had gone above and beyond with the sushi, because I wasn’t the only one to bring some tasty to the game. Ivan, poker player deluxe and programmer/designer of this here website, bought over some pizza that his brother had scored at work. Finally, Jesse arrived late, but with some homemade tamales, and they were incredible, so his lateness was excused. So, we had three countries (Mexico, Italy, and Japan) and continents (North America, Europe, and Asia) represented. I felt very worldly. Also, there were Doritos.
March of the Penguins: Have you seen this movie? Where I live, I can’t really get to a theater, so I live on DVDs, which means that I’m way behind the curve on movies. Finally, I got a copy of this movie, watched it, and I couldn’t believe how moving it was. Seriously, this mother choked me up a couple of times.
I can barely stand it when I have to put on a sweater, but those penguins are out there, exposed, in frightfully brutal weather, and they’re just getting on with it. Damn, those penguins are hardcore, and when I started telling my homies about how the movie had made me tear up a few times, Jesse said that it probably wasn’t a good idea to share with these heavy hitters how much of a wuss I am. I mean, it’s already bad enough that they know that I’m a poet (as un-tough a gig as you can find), but sharing this information would ruin any chance that I’d ever have at looking like a badass. That was when I said, “You know what, who cares about those penguins? Whatever, dude,” but, inside, I was dying a little from having to say that in order to up my rep.
Maybe, Baby: There’s a chance. Not a great one, but, with some decent cards, I could get to the grand. I had been hoping to make about $106 at two consecutive games, but I fell short, winning $91.50. I’m still $122.25 away from four figures, but it’s not completely out of the question. There’s hope.
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