So, if you've ever slept with, are currently sleeping with, or plan to sleep with an agent (no pressure, but it would really help me out), point them to this here website.

I'm going to start posting, about once a week, poems from my book. Speaking of my book, if you go through through Amazon, you'll get free shipping if you order two copies. I'm just saying.

It’s Here If You Want It: My thinking on the situation is this: If you can’t hang with the varsity, then, by all means, go play with the junior varsity. That’s what the j.v. is for. If you're scared of the deep end of the pool, then have fun splashing around in the kiddy pool, but don’t talk shit about our game.

Thank you, Gorgeous Man With the Actor Voice Who I Wanted to Dislike But Couldn’t, for being classy and for commenting on the nature of my testicles.

Cloutier hit a nearly miracle flop for a gut shot straight draw and
then, when he was almost dead, he got the gut shot straight on the
river. Zoine looks like he wants to vomit, wet himself, cry, have a
heart attack followed by a stroke, all at the same time. He has
suffered a motherfucker of a bad beat, and at the worst time.

Wandering Skanks of Las Vegas, I apologize.

It's a miracle; my book is now available at Barnes & Noble.com. That blew my mind because for months I had looked and looked to see if my book was going to be available there before I finally gave up. I checked today, though, and there my book was. What are you waiting for, permission? Buy a dozen; they make great gifts.

There’s a lot of dead money at the tables now, players who watch a little poker on TV and think that they’ve got hold 'em figured out. Generally, these players lose and lose and lose. Then they break for dinner and come back later, when the losing and losing and losing resumes. I love these people because, even if I don’t get a taste of their money, they leave it behind and it’s out there to get. Amen.

Tattooed Applebee’s Server Guy With Probably Too Much Gel in His Hair, wherever you are, spread your wings and fly.

Today I decided that, since we were all in the game (of poker and of life) together, I was going to call everybody “bro.” Here's an actual sentence that I uttered : “Can I get some ketchup, bro?” To the guy who gave me my order at McDonald’s, where I ate twice a day.