Although, it's a bit of a drag to almost make it into the top ten. I can use my eleventh-place finish, however, as motivation, to push me to train harder, to hit the metaphorical poetical weights, if you will, and bust into the top ten one day.

This bit cracked me up out of all proportion to its tiny little size.

Warning: the bit makes full use of the language, so if you're easily offended, you big baby, you should probably move on. There, that should pretty much guarantee that you'll click over.

This is the part where I start putting up my stories for your reading pleasure.

Then I meet up with Bert, inventor of the Bert Death Spiral and String Theory, and check into the Excalibur, where I do all of my poker playing and where I'll be staying through Saturday morning. Look for me, I'll be the one full of existential despair.

Man, California traffic sucks, especially in the big cities. Don't even get me started on the heat or the cost of hotels. Screw that.

Six billion of us and counting -- not to mention the countless other species with whom we share this precious planet -- and still we struggle with loneliness. Giant radiotelescopes point plaintively to the heavens, listening for reassuring evidence of extraterrestrial companionship from someone, anyone, green or otherwise.

Remember what I said about how this site was supposed to be all about pimping the book?

So, if you've ever slept with, are currently sleeping with, or plan to sleep with an agent (no pressure, but it would really help me out), point them to this here website.

I'm going to start posting, about once a week, poems from my book. Speaking of my book, if you go through through Amazon, you'll get free shipping if you order two copies. I'm just saying.

It’s Here If You Want It: My thinking on the situation is this: If you can’t hang with the varsity, then, by all means, go play with the junior varsity. That’s what the j.v. is for. If you're scared of the deep end of the pool, then have fun splashing around in the kiddy pool, but don’t talk shit about our game.